How to Succeed with People without Trying Too Much

A Leader’s Perspective

Intrigued? Sound a bit counter-intuitive? Because we want to be liked or successful, sometimes we just try too hard with people. And trying usually shows up in selling oneself, which is the opposite of how to succeed with people. There’s a better approach to connect with people and achieve more success in leading them.

Most people focus on making a good first impression, and yes, first impressions pertaining to appearance, body language, and facial expressions are important. However, first impressions extend into those first few words spoken. If you’re like many, when you initially meet someone, especially someone important, you might start talking about yourself, a project, or chat about the safe topics like the weather. Instead, focus on the other person. Be a study of other people and help them FEEL accepted and valued: understood, needed, and affirmed for who they are. When you turn the focus on others, and genuinely engage to talk about themselves, you win a friend, ally, or colleague.

You may not feel skilled at this point in making people the center of attention. I wouldn’t expect you to be if you haven’t practiced it. I only wish these relationship skills were taught in high school or college. If so, we’d all be more prepared when we stepped into the real world. At first, you will likely have to be intentional in how you connect, but don’t worry, with practice, it will become second nature.

Some concepts you need to keep in mind:

1. People can spot fake. Understand who you are, and if you’re not happy with how you show up, develop and take action in changing your attitudes and behaviors. Always operate within your authentic self.
2. Build trust across all your relationships. Trust is both the foundation and mortar in every relationship. Trust starts with you, and if it’s an area you’d like to learn how to deepen it, reach out for a conversation. It’s an essential element worth exploring if you need help.
3. Engage people beyond the surface conversation. People love to talk about themselves, so ask lots of good open-ended questions that stimulate thought, make people laugh, or put people more at ease.
4. Ask people for advice. People love to be asked what they think and believe as long as they know their response will land on non-judgmental ears.
5. Find common ground. What do you share in common? You might be interested what you learn when you ask meaningful open-ended questions.
6. Identify people’s strengths, then find opportunities to leverage those strengths as well as promote them.  

Overall, people are complex, because they are a mixture of core values, personality preference, motivations, and external pressures. However, as human beings we all share the deep desire to FEEL loved and accepted for who we are despite being a work in progress. We acknowledge that not everyone has to like us, but we want to FEEL valued.

When you interact with others, how do you make them FEEL? If you’re a leader, inspiring people is less about logic and more about how you make people FEEL. If you’d like to explore specific situations or relationships, or need a tune-up, schedule a coaching session. I can help.

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About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional life coach with an extensive background in leadership, sales, and business consulting. She has a passion to help people be the hero of their own life stories. She administers assessments, designs, and facilitates workshops, and coaches individuals, teams, and businesses. You can learn more about Sandra or engage her as your coach by reaching out to her at coach.sandra.dillon@gmail.com or by visiting her website at www.shinecrossings.com

The 4R’s to B2B Selling Success in the Virtual World

How difficult are you finding it to connect with new clients in this business environment that continues to go more viral? If your job focus is new business development, landing new clients has become more challenging. In the 3-R Strategy for B2B Success, the new selling world requires a story that answers one or more of the key selling drivers of RISK, REGULATION, or RETURN. The 3-R strategy brings a technical solution with your product or service. Many would have you believe that relationship doesn’t matter as much as it once did. I’m not sold on that conclusion.

At its most fundamental level, sales is one person saying “yes” to another, unless of course we are talking about an online auction facilitated exclusively by a software program. The human factor hasn’t yet been eliminated from the selling equation. Therefore, selling success in the new virtual B2B world is still focused on leveraging the 3-R strategy on top of the fourth R, otherwise, known as RELATIONSHIP.

How Relationship Building Should Pivot

Gone or minimized is the in-person, face-to-face relationship building meeting, replaced by the virtual call. [Note: If you’re still showing your clients a dark screen during Zoom, turn on your camera.] Building trust, demonstrating competence, and growing likeability on-line requires a more knowledgeable and intentional strategy.

I know this firsthand, because I’m an independent professional coach and consultant. Having already developed an in-person relationship before COVID, it’s easy to continue the relationship virtually. However, it becomes more challenging to make new connections and establish new clients.

Virtual selling requires different or exaggerated techniques. The most effective relationship builders have a strong command of people skills and interpersonal intelligence. They know that communication comprises 55% body language, 38% tone of voice, and 7% words. Unfortunately, virtual meetings significantly cut peripheral vision, so that both parties can miss key body language signals, and depending on visual screen quality, critical feedback on facial expressions may be overlooked. Today, salespeople no longer have the handshake in their toolkit that helps convey likeability and confidence.

Virtual Selling Strategies

Below are a few of the new or expand skills that the best salespeople deploy in virtual selling: 

• First impressions are made within the first few seconds. We decide whether we believe, like, and trust someone before ever having heard their voice. Whether conscious or not, we are intentionally trying to assess and decide whether you are friend/foe, winner/loser, ally/enemy in the most primitive of terms. The best salespeople show and use their hands in virtual calls take up as much of the screen without appearing be under the microscope, sit erect and keep shoulders back, and look straight into the camera at eye level.

• The most effective salespeople avoid the small talk and focus on stimulating conversations starters. Why? Because it increases the dopamine and pleasure centers of the brain. The best salespeople ask questions that allow clients to share about themselves. Fresh questions might involve some homework to find some interesting topic to open the conversation. A powerful conversation starter might be, “I saw on LinkedIn that you’re involved with Habitat for Humanity. How did you get in involved with that organization?” or “Your company appears to be a disruptor in the industry. I admire what they’re doing? How did you come to work for them?”

These are just two selling strategy examples that help build a relational foundation to do business in these virtual times. If you’d like to explore some of the other powerful relationship building strategies over video conferencing techniques, reach out to schedule your coaching session.

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About the Author:Sandra Dillon is a professional life coach with an extensive background in leadership, sales, and business consulting. She has a passion to help people be the hero of their own life stories. She administers assessments, designs, and facilitates workshops, and coaches individuals, teams, and businesses. You can learn more about Sandra or engage her as your coach by reaching out to her at coach.sandra.dillon@gmail.com or by visiting her website at www.shinecrossings.com